Good intentions aren't equal to love. They're not equal to the action you say you're going to do. If, anything, it's a lack of love, a lack of committment, and in the end prove a person unreliable and untrustworthy.
"The road to Hell is paved with good intentions." I couldn't agree with that old statement anymore. Maybe the intentions rest in, "Oh, I'll stop doing this to allow God to be in my life even more." and it never happens to "I'll do this with this person." and it never happens.
I, myself, am fed up with people's good intentions. Maybe because that's all I've really gotten since being home from Rockford. The friends I once knew seem to rest upon good intentions, but that's all. I feel disconnected, without a friend here, and sometimes with a friend elsewhere. See...it's ok to have good intentions and not follow through on them SOMETIMES- if you didn't let someone down, you'd not be human, and we know that's not possible. But for someone to constantly fail someone else, that's not friendship, that's a way of abuse in my mind. Just my thoughts.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
my random thoughts on technology.
This won't be super-cohesive, but I've been thinking a lot about this lately...about how technology driven our culture is. How my generation is becoming more and more socially retarded because we rely on technology to communicate. Yes, I'm using technology to communicate my thoughts on this, but it's nothing I've felt a conviction about. If I do feel a conviction about having a blog, I'm going to stop.
I've started to cut back on the amount of technology and entertainment I engage in.
I'm fasting Facebook. I feel like Facebook is somewhat of a communication fail. Yes, it's a great way to stay in contact, but still. It's so impersonal. It's sad to me that I have to read people's statuses to find out what they're doing, what's new in life. And, if I want to communicate with someone, it's splayed out for the whole world to see on their wall. Yes, I could just message something super-important to someone, but still. I'd prefer talking to someone face to face or calling them in order to tell them something important- at least I could see their facial expressions, body language, and/or hear their voice to hear their tone and not assume things and create a bigger mess. I'd rather have someone want to talk to me because they want to talk to me- not because they read something online or because they are vying for someone to post back on their wall.
I'm learning to cut back on watching TV and movies. I've come to see that movies aren't just entertainment, but they are something created to stir emotions in us. It hit me- why am I becoming invested in the life of a character that's not real, who I will never have interaction with, and depending on the movie- some are just flat out unrealistic. Movies can stir up things that shouldn't be there in me, like lust, envy, anger, and I even consider sympathy to be bad in this case. Why should I feel sympathy or empathy for, as I said before, someone that's not real and who I will never have interaction with...especially when there's people I've known for years and I still hold them at arm's length because maybe I'm afraid of them. Or have preconceived notions and judgments towards them. Or their personality annoys me. So I hold back that sympathy/empathy...why should I? I think showing sympathy/empathy towards someone respects them. It says, "Yes, you are human, and your feelings are valid. You should be grieving this loss (from a death to relationships, they're all losses) or you should be feeling that way because what happened wasn't right." It validates that those feelings are legit.
Then TV- everything on is cop shows and reality TV. Cop shows to me just stir up fear and Lord knows I don't need to have something that can do that to me. Then reality TV- oh, we sit and watch as families allow camera crews into their house...and watch as that family eventually falls apart because of the fame or the strain of having no time together as family...without cameras, without producers, but together. Then, we also watch people tear down each other and just laugh at it or make no mind whatsoever about them. Just because they're on TV and getting paid, doesn't mean they don't have emotions as well. Most are oversexualized as well. Also, there's some things on TV we just laugh and laugh about, whether it be inappropriate or at the expense of others- and I question if we'd laugh at any of these situations in real life.
I've been putting the Blackberry away more and more and being intentional. I've been not sitting in front of my computer hours on end anymore. I only listen to music if I'm in the car or before I go to bed, instead of letting it be my life.
I just started the FB fast on Sunday. I've been slowly cutting back on entertainment the past few weeks. And it's so freeing. I've been able to spend more time educating myself, gaining knowledge, going out and doing things, communicating with people more efficiently, get focused on life and my goals and reach for them. And, I've becoming more and more less connected with temporary things. I can't take it with me, so why be so attached?
I've started to cut back on the amount of technology and entertainment I engage in.
I'm fasting Facebook. I feel like Facebook is somewhat of a communication fail. Yes, it's a great way to stay in contact, but still. It's so impersonal. It's sad to me that I have to read people's statuses to find out what they're doing, what's new in life. And, if I want to communicate with someone, it's splayed out for the whole world to see on their wall. Yes, I could just message something super-important to someone, but still. I'd prefer talking to someone face to face or calling them in order to tell them something important- at least I could see their facial expressions, body language, and/or hear their voice to hear their tone and not assume things and create a bigger mess. I'd rather have someone want to talk to me because they want to talk to me- not because they read something online or because they are vying for someone to post back on their wall.
I'm learning to cut back on watching TV and movies. I've come to see that movies aren't just entertainment, but they are something created to stir emotions in us. It hit me- why am I becoming invested in the life of a character that's not real, who I will never have interaction with, and depending on the movie- some are just flat out unrealistic. Movies can stir up things that shouldn't be there in me, like lust, envy, anger, and I even consider sympathy to be bad in this case. Why should I feel sympathy or empathy for, as I said before, someone that's not real and who I will never have interaction with...especially when there's people I've known for years and I still hold them at arm's length because maybe I'm afraid of them. Or have preconceived notions and judgments towards them. Or their personality annoys me. So I hold back that sympathy/empathy...why should I? I think showing sympathy/empathy towards someone respects them. It says, "Yes, you are human, and your feelings are valid. You should be grieving this loss (from a death to relationships, they're all losses) or you should be feeling that way because what happened wasn't right." It validates that those feelings are legit.
Then TV- everything on is cop shows and reality TV. Cop shows to me just stir up fear and Lord knows I don't need to have something that can do that to me. Then reality TV- oh, we sit and watch as families allow camera crews into their house...and watch as that family eventually falls apart because of the fame or the strain of having no time together as family...without cameras, without producers, but together. Then, we also watch people tear down each other and just laugh at it or make no mind whatsoever about them. Just because they're on TV and getting paid, doesn't mean they don't have emotions as well. Most are oversexualized as well. Also, there's some things on TV we just laugh and laugh about, whether it be inappropriate or at the expense of others- and I question if we'd laugh at any of these situations in real life.
I've been putting the Blackberry away more and more and being intentional. I've been not sitting in front of my computer hours on end anymore. I only listen to music if I'm in the car or before I go to bed, instead of letting it be my life.
I just started the FB fast on Sunday. I've been slowly cutting back on entertainment the past few weeks. And it's so freeing. I've been able to spend more time educating myself, gaining knowledge, going out and doing things, communicating with people more efficiently, get focused on life and my goals and reach for them. And, I've becoming more and more less connected with temporary things. I can't take it with me, so why be so attached?
Saturday, September 11, 2010
the easy button.
Christianity wasn't meant to be easy. Real Christianity isn't supposed to be, anyways. It's harder than living the easy, normal, directionless life. I know this.
The Bible tells us time & time again about trials and pains that will come our way and how we must persevere. I think we grasp that things are going to be hard, but only in certain areas- like the really really hard things. If that makes any sense.
But.
Do you want easy friends? The ones that you've had that let you get away with anything? The ones that don't challenge you to pursue a deeper relationship with God? The ones that sit back and indulge in sin with you?
Carrots don't sharpen iron.
Hebrews 3:13- But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.
As far as relationships go on a more intimate level, do you want easy romance? One where there are no clear boundaries? Ones that tear you down? Ones that leave you co-dependent?
Be picky- don't settle. The only thing harder than being lonely is being in a crappy relationship.
Do you want to be an easy leader? One free of responsibilities? One that isn't fully invested in those who you've been called to lead? One that doesn't fully commit?
being easy on people doesn't make it better. they need to be trained, not coddled.
Do you want to take it easy on yourself? To not push yourself? To give up easily? To not pursue all that you have been called to do? To lay back and not do a thing?
characters are usually built into details. once you let details slip, you're on a slippery slope.
Do you want an easy God?
Think about it. Some of these, yeah, they sound enticing. But in the long run, easy is nothing. Easy isnt't worth it. Nothing, not one thing, that has been easy is worth it. Nothing that's worth it has come through anything but hardships and perseverence. Think about it and move your finger away from the easy button.
The Bible tells us time & time again about trials and pains that will come our way and how we must persevere. I think we grasp that things are going to be hard, but only in certain areas- like the really really hard things. If that makes any sense.
But.
Do you want easy friends? The ones that you've had that let you get away with anything? The ones that don't challenge you to pursue a deeper relationship with God? The ones that sit back and indulge in sin with you?
Carrots don't sharpen iron.
Hebrews 3:13- But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.
As far as relationships go on a more intimate level, do you want easy romance? One where there are no clear boundaries? Ones that tear you down? Ones that leave you co-dependent?
Be picky- don't settle. The only thing harder than being lonely is being in a crappy relationship.
Do you want to be an easy leader? One free of responsibilities? One that isn't fully invested in those who you've been called to lead? One that doesn't fully commit?
being easy on people doesn't make it better. they need to be trained, not coddled.
Do you want to take it easy on yourself? To not push yourself? To give up easily? To not pursue all that you have been called to do? To lay back and not do a thing?
characters are usually built into details. once you let details slip, you're on a slippery slope.
Do you want an easy God?
Think about it. Some of these, yeah, they sound enticing. But in the long run, easy is nothing. Easy isnt't worth it. Nothing, not one thing, that has been easy is worth it. Nothing that's worth it has come through anything but hardships and perseverence. Think about it and move your finger away from the easy button.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Wooden Heart
Shoot, I'm going to share this with you as an act of love. This weekend I went to Lifelight in Worthing, South Dakota. Great festival. In 3 days I saw shows by Abandon, Group 1 Crew, Remedy Drive, Showbread, David Crowder Band, Kari Jobe, Listener, F.O.G. Crew, Reilly, MercyMe, Leeland, children 18:3, Everyday Sunday, Family Force 5, BarlowGirl, State of Isaac, Brooke Barrettsmith (which was my personal favorite), and Francesca Battistelli. Anyways, I saw Listener for the first time after hearing all this hype about him after he played a show at Stuart's Coffeshop at Rockford First Assembly. He was so weird, but so awesome. His songs are really spoken word poems. When I heard this one, I won't lie, I teared up quite a bit. So, I pass along the lyrics to you. If only they could convey the amount of emotion and heart poured into them during the live performance....
WOODEN HEART (sea of mist called skaidan)
We’re all born to broken people on their most honest day of living
and since that first breath... We’ll need grace that we’ve never given
I've been haunted by standard red devils and white ghosts
and it's not only when these eyes are closed
these lies are ropes that I tie down in my stomach,
but they hold this ship together tossed like leaves in this weather
and my dreams are sails that I point towards my true north,
stretched thin over my rib bones, and pray that it gets better
but it won’t won’t, at least I don’t believe it will...
so I've built a wooden heart inside this iron ship,
to sail these blood red seas and find your coasts.
don’t let these waves wash away your hopes
this war-ship is sinking, and I still believe in anchors
pulling fist fulls of rotten wood from my heart, I still believe in saviors
but I know that we are all made out of shipwrecks, every single board
washed and bound like crooked teeth on these rocky shores
so come on and let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember
I am the barely living son of a woman and man who barely made it
but we’re making it taped together on borrowed crutches and new start
we all have the same holes in our hearts...
everything falls apart at the exact same time
that it all comes together perfectly for the next step
but my fear is this prison... that I keep locked below the main deck
I keep a key under my pillow, it’s quiet and it’s hidden
and my hopes are weapons that I’m still learning how to use right
but they’re heavy and I’m awkward...always running out of fight
so I’ve carved a wooden heart, put it in this sinking ship
hoping it would help me float for just a few more weeks
because I am made out of shipwrecks, every twisted beam
lost and found like you and me scattered out on the sea
so come on let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, just some tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember
My throat it still tastes like house fire and salt water
I wear this tide like loose skin, rock me to sea
if we hold on tight we’ll hold each other together
and not just be some fools rushing to die in our sleep
all these machines will rust I promise, but we'll still be electric
shocking each other back to life
Your hand in mine, my fingers in your veins connected
our bones grown together inside
our hands entwined, your fingers in my veins braided
our spines grown stronger in time
because are church is made out of shipwrecks
from every hull these rocks have claimed
but we pick ourselves up, and try and grow better through the change
so come on yall and let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, were just tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember
WOODEN HEART (sea of mist called skaidan)
We’re all born to broken people on their most honest day of living
and since that first breath... We’ll need grace that we’ve never given
I've been haunted by standard red devils and white ghosts
and it's not only when these eyes are closed
these lies are ropes that I tie down in my stomach,
but they hold this ship together tossed like leaves in this weather
and my dreams are sails that I point towards my true north,
stretched thin over my rib bones, and pray that it gets better
but it won’t won’t, at least I don’t believe it will...
so I've built a wooden heart inside this iron ship,
to sail these blood red seas and find your coasts.
don’t let these waves wash away your hopes
this war-ship is sinking, and I still believe in anchors
pulling fist fulls of rotten wood from my heart, I still believe in saviors
but I know that we are all made out of shipwrecks, every single board
washed and bound like crooked teeth on these rocky shores
so come on and let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember
I am the barely living son of a woman and man who barely made it
but we’re making it taped together on borrowed crutches and new start
we all have the same holes in our hearts...
everything falls apart at the exact same time
that it all comes together perfectly for the next step
but my fear is this prison... that I keep locked below the main deck
I keep a key under my pillow, it’s quiet and it’s hidden
and my hopes are weapons that I’m still learning how to use right
but they’re heavy and I’m awkward...always running out of fight
so I’ve carved a wooden heart, put it in this sinking ship
hoping it would help me float for just a few more weeks
because I am made out of shipwrecks, every twisted beam
lost and found like you and me scattered out on the sea
so come on let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, just some tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember
My throat it still tastes like house fire and salt water
I wear this tide like loose skin, rock me to sea
if we hold on tight we’ll hold each other together
and not just be some fools rushing to die in our sleep
all these machines will rust I promise, but we'll still be electric
shocking each other back to life
Your hand in mine, my fingers in your veins connected
our bones grown together inside
our hands entwined, your fingers in my veins braided
our spines grown stronger in time
because are church is made out of shipwrecks
from every hull these rocks have claimed
but we pick ourselves up, and try and grow better through the change
so come on yall and let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, were just tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember
embrace it.
A thing I've learned lately is how to truly love myself. Even with all my flaws, failures, and mess ups.
I sweat like a man. I'm overweight. I'm a girl who is more like a guy. I mumble. I say super nerdy things. I fall short of the commands of my Father time and time again. But guess what? Despite that, I still love myself. I can embrace these flaws. I can embrace who I am and who I'm becoming. I can even embrace who I was, because Christ has redeemed that and is using that. It's not cockiness, but confidence in knowing who Christ has created me to be. Why not marvel at yourself for a second...done? OK. Don't let your mind look at the flaws- if you go there, take pleasure in knowing our Lord sees you as perfect. You're beautiful, for the Lord created you, and He has set Himself inside of you. He looks at you with love deep in His heart, a love burning at the sight of His creation and how it beautifully reflects Him. Embrace it. Embrace the fact that your flaws, failures, and insecurities can be nothing but beautiful to the Lord. You are His child, and He marvels and delights in you.
short, but sweet. Psalm 139 put a lot of this in perspective for me...why? Because He made me. And God doesn't make junk. Word up, homes.
I sweat like a man. I'm overweight. I'm a girl who is more like a guy. I mumble. I say super nerdy things. I fall short of the commands of my Father time and time again. But guess what? Despite that, I still love myself. I can embrace these flaws. I can embrace who I am and who I'm becoming. I can even embrace who I was, because Christ has redeemed that and is using that. It's not cockiness, but confidence in knowing who Christ has created me to be. Why not marvel at yourself for a second...done? OK. Don't let your mind look at the flaws- if you go there, take pleasure in knowing our Lord sees you as perfect. You're beautiful, for the Lord created you, and He has set Himself inside of you. He looks at you with love deep in His heart, a love burning at the sight of His creation and how it beautifully reflects Him. Embrace it. Embrace the fact that your flaws, failures, and insecurities can be nothing but beautiful to the Lord. You are His child, and He marvels and delights in you.
short, but sweet. Psalm 139 put a lot of this in perspective for me...why? Because He made me. And God doesn't make junk. Word up, homes.
Monday, September 6, 2010
(untitled)
It's been a while, but sometimes life gets busy or throws you curveballs and other things occupy your mind. This has been my past few weeks; many great times, many down times, and through it all, God is faithful. The Lord has been speaking a lot to my heart lately, so much that it's hard to wrap my mind around it.
One of the biggest things He's been telling me is to not squander the gifts and lessons He's given to me; to not hold back from other's what they need to hear because of fear I may offend; to be straightforward; to be His hands and feet in action- to put action behind these words I often speak or write. To basically give myself away completely. This has shaken me up, challenged me, frustrated me, and excited me. If God has trusted me with these things and I don't give them away then... what's the use of my heart pumping blood through my veins? Why should my chest rise and fall 30-60 times a minute?
So, here's the deal- whatever I write, I write for you, not for me, not to build up a soapbox, not to boost an ego, not to build up some kind of facade- for you. I write because I feel an aching in my bones to release the truths I've learned. I feel a burden on my chest to let out everything inside of me, to let it all be laid bare in order for others to profit, and that I may learn from those around me. This is all coming from a place of brokenness...a place where we are all equal, all weighed down with our imperfections in front of a perfect God. I'm at the point where I would rip the heart out of my chest and freely give a piece of it away to everyone I come in contact with- not to achieve some sort of recognition or sainthood, but to fulfill the calling my Father has placed upon me. (and really, what He asks all of us to do).
It's just...weird. I have never felt so much aching love for the people around me than I have this past week. I never thought I was capable of loving God or myself, let alone other human beings- especially strangers. But man...my heart just feels so full with the love that seeks to escape from within, and it also aches with the pain I feel for others.
From now on, I do this for you. You and God. Even if I don't know you, it's for you. My life isn't mine, it never has been- and I'm really starting to get that. So take any piece of me you want. If there's anything you can gain, pick it up and carry it with you. And all the glory...all the glory is due to our Heavenly Father, who apart from Him, none of this matters or has value.
One of the biggest things He's been telling me is to not squander the gifts and lessons He's given to me; to not hold back from other's what they need to hear because of fear I may offend; to be straightforward; to be His hands and feet in action- to put action behind these words I often speak or write. To basically give myself away completely. This has shaken me up, challenged me, frustrated me, and excited me. If God has trusted me with these things and I don't give them away then... what's the use of my heart pumping blood through my veins? Why should my chest rise and fall 30-60 times a minute?
So, here's the deal- whatever I write, I write for you, not for me, not to build up a soapbox, not to boost an ego, not to build up some kind of facade- for you. I write because I feel an aching in my bones to release the truths I've learned. I feel a burden on my chest to let out everything inside of me, to let it all be laid bare in order for others to profit, and that I may learn from those around me. This is all coming from a place of brokenness...a place where we are all equal, all weighed down with our imperfections in front of a perfect God. I'm at the point where I would rip the heart out of my chest and freely give a piece of it away to everyone I come in contact with- not to achieve some sort of recognition or sainthood, but to fulfill the calling my Father has placed upon me. (and really, what He asks all of us to do).
It's just...weird. I have never felt so much aching love for the people around me than I have this past week. I never thought I was capable of loving God or myself, let alone other human beings- especially strangers. But man...my heart just feels so full with the love that seeks to escape from within, and it also aches with the pain I feel for others.
From now on, I do this for you. You and God. Even if I don't know you, it's for you. My life isn't mine, it never has been- and I'm really starting to get that. So take any piece of me you want. If there's anything you can gain, pick it up and carry it with you. And all the glory...all the glory is due to our Heavenly Father, who apart from Him, none of this matters or has value.
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